Rebellion of the Plug-Ins – Part 1
We have a new house. While we didn’t buy any new furniture, we did acquire new appliances. All the “mod cons” (modern conveniences) as the real estate ads say.
Now, I can’t imagine a situation in which I would want to—or need to—connect with my oven or washing machine via Bluetooth, but I could. There are apps for that, for all the new gadgets. Really.
What I noticed as soon as we moved in is that just about everything that is plugged in has opinions and is able to communicate them. Fridge door open too long, in the fridge’s opinion? Beep, beep, beep. Freezer door not closed all the way? More beep, beep, beep. Annoying but useful, because my husband of fifty-plus years has not acquired the skill-set required to close doors or drawers. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been thwacked in the head by an open upper cabinet. (The cabinets are mute.)
The induction cooktop is a total prima donna. Put a pot it doesn’t like on the surface and it chimes. Put a glass or ceramic casserole dish on it, and it chimes. Take too long—in its opinion—setting the temperature of the burner selected and it chimes. It often takes me several tries to turn it on, but when the 8-pound cat wanders across the controls, it turns on with a happy chirp. Why? I don’t know. The cat doesn’t cook. At least the cooktop turns itself off—with a rather peevish chime—when no further communication from the cat occurs.
The dishwasher is remarkably quiet, except for the occasional gurgle or burp while it’s doing its thing. But close the door without pressing the start/stop button after emptying it, and the thing emits a loud squawk.
Our son gifted us with a pair of remote cooking thermometers, and yes, there’s an app for them. Tell them what you want to cook and they decide the desired internal temperature. Very handy. But then, the entire time that they’re embedded in whatever is cooking, they quack. The first time my husband used them, after a tutorial from our son, I heard the constant quacking and was convinced that a flock of Canada geese had landed on our front yard. Then, when the food is finished, it warbles for the whole time the food is “resting.” Recently, our son, who lives about 2 kilometers away, phoned to tell us the food was done; because he had the app on his phone, it alerted him as well as us. It even told him what was cooking.
Strangely, the oven timers are the only things that are practically inaudible when they finish.
© Kate Freiman 2025